Fearless and Sparkling

I don’t even know where to start with this post, so forgive me if it seems to be all over the place.  Over the last couple of weeks I have felt a little lost…I have been seeking out things; quotes, blogs, songs…anything to help me find my footing again.  I am not embarrassed about this at all because I know it is a normal thing for me and I imagine it is probably a normal cycle for others as well. 

One of the things I came across is Oprah’s Lifeclass on the OWN network, or you can find it on her website http://www.oprah.com  I have always been a fan of Oprah but this particular series couldn’t have come at a better time for me.  It really forced me to look at aspects of my life and question things a little more deeply.  The things I am going to write about are specific to me, to my life and my situation…they are my perspective.

Lesson #1: People become addicted to their story and it gets them stuck.  I believe this to be true for myself and so I will tell my story one last time and be done with it.  I will tell my story…the one I have become comfortable with, the one I have become addicted to, the story that I have let define me for the last 3 years. 

I am divorced. There, I said it.

I know I have written about this from time to time and referenced it many times because it is/was/will always be a huge chunk of who I am, but I have let it become all that I am.  I don’t mean I sit around still depressed that my marriage didn’t work…I mean I have let it be my story, my only story. I have let my divorce stop me dead in my tracks.  I have used it as an excuse to put my life on hold, I have used it as an excuse to live my life in such a pattern that I am just waiting for the next big milestone to come my way. I have somehow spent the last 3 years worrying about reaching goals that I never even set.  I have spent the last 3 years trying to fall in love again with a person that I was never going to really ever give a chance to. (no one specific) I have let myself become wounded.

My divorce has defined me, defined every single move I have made for the last 3 years.  I am in no way blaming the ex for this, obviously he helped pave the path that lead to the divorce but I can’t hold him accountable for the last 3 years of my life.  The definition of my life and the story I have held on to is my own, not his; and so I will let it go…

I will no longer live my life on hold. I will no longer sit around waiting for a man to appear and make my life “complete”.  I will make choices everyday that will send me forward and help me to create and live the life I want.  I will set goals, actual real goals, and I will take steps to reach them.  I will stop living fearful and start living fearless. I am in control now, not my divorce, and the life I have mapped out makes me excited.  It makes me happy to finally realize what I have been doing, and to take steps in a direction that feels very positive! The next time a story comes along that I let define me in a negative way I will be better at recognizing it and letting it go.

Don’t ever let anyone dull your sparkle.  Well I have, and that anyone has been me.  I have dulled my own sparkle for awhile now and I am ready to start shining things back up…I am ready to sparkle again. Who is with me!?!?!